we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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