covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
North Korea, Best Korea!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
