I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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