he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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