is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
