Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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