we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
