sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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