what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
