i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
