They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
