I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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