u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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