He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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