so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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