I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize