My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
