lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
