How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
