Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize