remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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