I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
