Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
