someone threw a dead crab at me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
