I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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