Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
