Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
