you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
