There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
