my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
