what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
