love makes seman taste better
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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