I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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