Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
