Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize