Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to calm my uterus...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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