we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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