went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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