the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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