he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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