i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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