now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
