If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
