my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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