I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
