how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
