Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Less talking, more tequila
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
