I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
