Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
