True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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