I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
