Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
