I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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