He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
