you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
