I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
