2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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