so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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