Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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