Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
please come you make the beer taste better
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
