The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
