If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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