Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
