Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
