3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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