It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
