I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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