I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
