i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
