Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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