I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
