Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
