butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
