she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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