He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
