Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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