My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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