I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
