so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
