Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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