The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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