she smelled like a LAN party
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
